The Definitive Guide to Dating App Etiquette (2019)

 

If you’re single (or even if you’re not), dating apps are a significant part of dating culture and for many people it’s the primary way to meet people. I use dating apps (I’m only on Bumble, Tinder, OKCupid) for 2 reasons:

(1) you know (almost) every user is in-market to meet someone (whereas in the real world when you approach someone you don’t know what their dating situation is so you’re going in cold)

(2) it’s like Amazon – you can swipe right until you find something you like (I still think dating apps need to include a swipe right percentage so you know if the person just swipes right on everyone or is actually a methodical swiper -I go back and forth between both methods based on my existing pipeline)

AdamFrancisco Tinder
My actual Tinder profile – feel free to DM me on Instagram if you’re interested lol

Although over half the women I’ve dated I met in real life (at places like Starbucks, on the street, at a bar), I’ve been using dating apps on and off for the last 15 years or so (yep, OKCupid is that old), I’ve met hundreds of women through dating apps. You would think by now that dating app etiquette would be in a pretty good place but sadly it’s not. I still see women committing so many basic dating app sins that I felt compelled to write a definitive guide to dating apps. I did not want this to seem one-sided so I opened up the conversation on my personal Facebook and it turns out that men are just as guilty as women are. 

This guide applies to all genders although it is being written in a heterosexual dating tone (as I am a straight male). If you’re guilty of committing any of these unforgivable dating app sins, do not fret – there is still time for you to correct your flaws! These tips are in no particular order.

The Definitive Guide to Dating App Etiquette (2019)

Always include a full body shot

One of the gravest sins that you can commit on a dating app is not including at least one image that clearly shows your full body. You don’t have to have a 6pack or a perfect body, but we want to have a general sense of the overall physical appearance and body type that we’re talking to. Personally, going to the gym, exercising and looking healthy are all very important to me so I typically date women that reflect this lifestyle as well. If you’re not including at least one picture that shows your body, the first thing that I think is that this person lacks self-confidence and that’s not somebody I want to meet (no matter how beautiful their face is). Regardless of your shape or figure, you’re going to be somebody’s type. Plus, we’re eventually going to see what you really look like if we meet up so show off what you’re working with and don’t set people up for DISAPPOINTMENT.

As my friend Fellippe says, “Masterful angles can hide weight … while the camera adds 10 pounds, a good angle takes off 10 pounds up to a maximum of 60 pounds.”

Adam Francisco Bumble
If you like what you see, you can DM me as I am always single

Keep your photos updated

This one should also be pretty obvious but I have heard from many women that a lot of men will include pictures from when they were younger, skinnier, fitter, had more hair, etc. Some guys in their 40s will go as far as including pictures from college. Um…what? This is 100% false advertising. I personally keep all of my photos updated as of 6 months. A good rule of thumb would be to remove any photos that are older than 365 days. You can pretend to be younger and fitter and skinnier and hairier all you want, but when you meet up in real life, you will be exposed and they will be DISAPPOINTED.

Me in 2007
Cute, but this photo is 12 years old

Have you recently undergone a drastic physical change?

Let’s suppose that in the last 3 months, I stopped going to the gym and that I exclusively ate bacon cheeseburgers and pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Or if I treated every day like it was a #tacotuesday. You would imagine that I would likely suffer from significant weight gain and muscle loss. This would be considered a dramatic physical change and one that I should update my dating profile with. If you’re expecting a guy with a semi-decent 6pack and I show up with a dadbod, you’ll be DISAPPOINTED. 

And let’s be honest – if you hit the gym hard and started focusing on your macros and micros in the last 3 months – you’d sure as shit be showing off your new and improved body. Do the same thing, even if you changed for the worse. Luckily, women are more forgiving about a man’s physical appearance than men are – we demand perfection even though we don’t even expect this of ourselves. It’s a sick twisted world we live in!

Another example of a dramatic physical change would be if your style went from glam to goth. If I’m expecting a woman with bright, colorful nail polish, the latest earrings from Kay Jewelers and the hottest fashion from Forever 21, and yet some goth girl shows up with all-black everything and white facepaint, I’d be a little shocked and probably DISAPPOINTED. Granted, the goth look can be hot, but if this is not what was shown to me on your dating app, then that is probably not what I want to see IRL. Stay woke!

As my friend Tara says, “I generally swipe left on guys who have photos from when they were in high school or 22. Not sure why guys have such old photos of themselves. It appears they want to say ‘this is what I looked like 20 years ago when I was hot with hair and muscles’ but I don’t care what they looked like before.”

transformation
I changed for the better

Stop putting other people in your pics

This one really confuses me. Unless you are absolutely without question the best-looking person in your group of friends and this has been validated by numerous third party research studies DO NOT INCLUDE PICTURES WITH YOUR FRIENDS. Seriously. I don’t understand when a woman has a picture with her friend as the first pic. First, this causes confusion : which one are you? Secondly, what if your friend is better-looking than you are? I still might swipe right on you but only because I am willing to take the chance that I can somehow meet your friend and not you. It also speaks volumes about your photography skills – can you not take or find a good picture of yourself when it’s just you? If you must include your friend(s), at least blur out their faces so we are less distracted.

As my friend Tara says, “I also hate when men have photos with other attractive women in their photos. It’s like saying ‘this is the type of women I want and can get.’ It just seem ridiculous.” While I do agree with Tara, the truth is that one way to get a woman’s attention is to be seen with other beautiful women. However, it sounds like this doesn’t work on a dating app versus real life.

dan bilzerian
God bless this man

No baby pictures (unless it’s yours)

Yes, the rule of not putting pictures of other people in your pics extends to babies as well (unless it’s yours). I can understand the theory of putting a picture with a baby in it – if you’re a guy you’re trying to trigger a woman’s maternal instincts (which by the way in 2019 not every woman impulsively reacts to). You want them thinking “awww wouldn’t he be a great father” but the truth is a majority of men (especially in their 20s in cities like NYC) aren’t even close to considering the possibility of starting a family so what are you doing bruh??? Put the baby down and calmly hand it back to the parents. 

And if you must include a picture with a baby for whatever reason, please make sure to clearly mention that the baby is not yours. And then maybe also explain why you felt compelled to use it.

No babies
I love babies just not on dating apps unless it’s yours

List your honest height proactively

I’m a little over 5’10.” With sneakers on, I’m almost 6’0″ so I list my height on dating apps as 5’11” which I think is more than fair. Plus, I hear women automatically assume a guy is lying by at least 2 inches. I can’t tell you how many times a woman has shown up on a date and said “oh you’re actually tall.” Babycarrot – I’m 5’11” just like I said I was on the app. “Yeah but most guys lie by a few inches.” Gentlemen – stop lying about your height. This creates DISAPPOINTMENT.

And ladies – if you don’t include a full body image – we should be entitled to ask your weight (but only if you ask us about our height first).

Height
Kevin Hart might be 5’2″ but his money is very, very tall

Yes to dogs!

Do you own a dog? Do you own 2 dogs? If so, 100% absolutely yes include them (cats not so much – they don’t really love you). If you don’t own a dog, borrow one. Dogs are awesome.

Awesome dog pic - Raindrop and Flex
@raindropandflex

No filters

Yes to dogs but no to dog filters. Sure – the dog filter makes you look attractive. Spoiler alert: it makes everyone look more attractive. Science. This doesn’t mean you should be using it on your dating apps! The next time I see a girl with the dog filter on her dating profile, I am going to ask if she can wear the filter when she shows up to our date and if she shows up without it I am going to leave the date immediately just to prove a point (unless she’s still pretty in which case I will likely stick around, buy her dinner and drinks, treat her to a wonderful and lovely evening and hope that I can see her again and again and again up to 3 months).

dog filter
This girl seems beautiful with or without the dog filter

Write a bio

I think guys generally care less about this then women do. I rarely read bios but I have noticed that ever since I added a bio to my dating profiles, my match rate has skyrocketed. Not only does this tell people a little but about yourself, but it also provides built-in icebreakers. Someone is more likely to match and message you when they feel like they know a little bit more than what they see and have something in mind to say. And come on – how amazing is challah-peño???

As my friend Swagata says, “Actually write something interesting in your profile. I skip the people who provide little to no information. To me that signals that they are too arrogant or want a hook-up only (which is ok, but say it), or they’re hiding another relationship.”

Bumble Dating Profile

Be honest about what you’re looking for and what you aren’t

Here’s something I wish I told myself in my 20s : communication and honesty will make your life infinitely easier!

Now – for the men that have a hard time meeting women or they are simply put, undesirable, they are incentivized to misrepresent themselves whether it be by lying about how much money they make, how successful they are, how tall they are, or what they are looking for on a dating app (“I want to start a family.”) To the gentlemen that are desirable and confident and can quickly find new options, they are less incentived to lie (but some still do as they want the shortest path to success).

What I have found from personal experience is that if you tell women you’re just looking for something casual, it generates the following outcomes:

(1) They’re no longer interested as they’re on that marriage mission. That’s great! Saves everyone time but also importantly saves men money as despite it being 2019 and women having jobs in America men are still expected to pay for the first few dates. The inequality of equality. “Reparations” as my friend Anna Louise calls it.

(2) They appreciate and respect your honesty. Some women will still be wiling to date you because you’ve at least tempered their expectations of what it is and can’t be or they’re just (surprise!) looking for the same thing as you are.

The worst thing to do to somebody is to waste their time. Another spoiler alert – women are just as interested in having sex as men are. Not all women are against casual sex or sex outside of a relationship. If that’s what you’re looking for, own it and be honest about it and I promise you that you’ll have a lot less drama in your life as you won’t be DISAPPOINTING people.

Honesty
The code to live by

Are you living in the city or just visiting?

As a world traveler, I find one of the best ways to explore a city in a non-touristy way is to match with a beautiful local women and have them show you what they do and where they go. This also works in the opposite way – now that I am currently back in my hometown of New York City, I am constantly matching with women that are in town for a few days and want someone knowledgeable (and cute) to explore the city with. As mentioned above, women can also be interested in casual flings and hanging out with visitors is super fun for both the host and the tourist! As you see above, I am very clear that I live between Thailand and New York City. This immediately creates the context that I am likely not a “settling down” or husband candidate. And that’s 100% the truth. I am a non-monogamous free spirit that lives in the moment by a code of communication and honesty.

Don’t just say “hi”

This is just a lazy approach.  Sure, smiling and saying “hi” might work in real life (if you have a nice smile and you aren’t creepy), but have you ever seen a woman’s match list on Tinder??? Every woman I know has 100s of unread messages in queue. The fastest way to stand out (besides being ridiculously good-looking) is to come up with a creative icebreaker. Some of you guys are tip-toeing the line of attractiveness and a good introduction or icebreaker can be the make-or-break. Same goes to you women. I had over 250 matches after Pride Parade (as so many people were concentrated in a small area) and unless the girl was an absolute smokeshow, I just wrote “hi” back to the “hi”ers (they set that precedent) and the exchange usually ended there.

Hi Stranger
Imagine if this dude messaged you and just said “hi”

No dick pics

I shouldn’t even have to list this one but I am going to. Unless your girlfriend specifically asks you to send her a dick pic, don’t do it.  There is no circumstance on a dating app (except maybe Grindr from what I hear) where sending a dick pic should be in the realm of acceptable behavior.

NEVER SEND A DICK PIC. The only time a dick pic is acceptable is if you have a nice picture with your friend Richard that you want to share. A cock pic is OK as long as it’s referring to a chicken dish you’ve cooked.

As my friend Katie says, “NO DICK PICS should be the first and second rule. And probably mention it again at the end for good measure. I would caveat it with ‘No unsolicited dick pics’ but dudes are pretty dense when they define what ‘unsolicited’ is. ‘But she said she was attracted to me so that totally means she asked to see my dick!’ No, no she did not.” She definitely did not my guy.

Roast chicken dish
Beautiful cock pic

NO DICK PICS

There you go Katie. Again for good measure.

BONUS VLOG

I finally had a chance to check out The Vessel in NYC. I kept seeing pictures of it when I was in Thailand. It was definitely worth checking out! They have free tickets daily but they’re usually sold out in advance so you can just buy a flex pass online here for $10/ticket here.

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What did you think about this guide? Do you have any additional tips to share? Leave a comment or you can e-mail me adam@befreemysheeple.com. If you enjoyed reading/watching this, you can follow me on Instagram, @adamfrancisco & @befreemysheeple.

Be Free My Sheeple!

Why I Love Being Single

 

Every time I check into a new hotel in Phu Quoc, the front desk receptionists always ask “when is your wife arriving?” or “where is your girlfriend?” or “you’re here alone???” in a shocked tone.

A lot of people ask why I sometimes feel the need to post my opinions on marriage & long-term monogamy and it’s because this opinion is underrepresented (WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO POST YOUR ENGAGEMENTS AND MARRIAGES. It’s the same thing lol). Every day we see engagement and marriage posts on our feeds which are openly applauded and accepted (despite the inevitable failure of over half of them) but few people are openly sharing the other lifestyle, the lifestyle of “there are reasons and benefits to be happily single and avoid traditional relationships at all costs.” Unlike people in a relationship who become dependent and almost feed off of their significant other’s scent, I am in complete control of my happiness (and my daily moods). That and I have my dogs to provide actual unconditional love. Romantic love is extremely conditional. Gain 100 pounds of fat or lose everything at the casino and you’ll see how conditional love is.

unconditional loveAnd this goes for both women and men. With gender equality existing in places like America which enables women to be financially independent, they no longer need a man to fulfill that traditional gender role of “providing for the family.” They can provide for themselves. And this is a beautiful thing. After living in Asia for 7 months, I’ve seen traditional gender norms almost fully intact.

American Businesswoman
God bless America (looks like LA).

My point is – we need to normalize that it’s OK to be single and it’s ok to have casual and mutually respectful relationships. Personally, I have never had sustainable happiness in a long-term relationship before and a lot of it has to do with traditional relationships limiting my freedom (“don’t text her, don’t look at her, don’t do this, come with me to this party, I’m in a bad mood now we are both in a bad mood, etc”). You ”love” someone but you’re telling them what they can and cannot do lol. That doesn’t sound like love to me. That sounds like self-inflicted imprisonment.

Do you have any idea how liberating it is to not have to worry about someone snooping on my phone and finding something that I didn’t want them to find? Nobody is perfect. There is always something to find if you go looking for it.

Snooping
Guys that are only half-into a relationship have to hide their shenanigans. Their girls be looking like…

It is absolutely normal and OK to be attracted and want other people than your significant other. This doesn’t lessen your love for them. It just highlights your humanity. Yet society says this completely normal thing is wrong and evil and invalidates your love. Unlike the married, I have the freedom to do what I want and not suppress my wants and desires (“I want to talk to that girl at the bar and buy her a drink but I can’t because I’m not supposed to”) lol.

You can love both your parents. You can love multiple friends. But you can’t love or want more than 1 person? Please. You want to try new foods. Try new jobs. Try new hobbies. Travel new places. But god forbid you want to have sex with someone else. The expectation that you are supposed to have sex with and love 1 person your entire life is so absurd that it’s laughable. lol.

dan bilzerian
If married men were honest, they’d admit that they’d rather have Dan Bilzerian’s lifestyle (I’m not at his level and I probably will never be and that’s ok)

Personally, I’m simply not willing to compromise any degree of the happiness I’ve created for myself just to be in a relationship (“I must just deal with some drama because this is what I’m supposed to be doing”). Many sheeple accept mediocrity from their relationships because they are 18-40 and a relationship is the “ultimate prize” because everyone around them is doing it. As they get older and time becomes more of a premium, they learn that they shouldn’t put up with anything but the best. Until then, many people think marriage is some sort of personal validation or badge of honor. It’s not. I see it as some sort of jail.

“Humans are born free and any perceived limitations will ultimately make us want to rebel against them!” -KarelDonk

freedom
This is how many single people actually feel

And many of you will think “you just haven’t met the right one yet.” There is no “right one” and when finding this unicorn of a person becomes your ultimate goal, you lose focus of the present and just enjoying someone’s company without any expectations. And ask all the couples you know that broke up, got divorced (which is about to happen en masse) about how it went after they thought they “met the right one.”

Ultimately I believe it comes down to human nature. Many of us are more selfish than we are willing to acknowledge and selfishness is one of the worst things in a relationship (for the record, I am selfish af but I care deeply for my close friends). For a relationship to work long-term it has to truly be selfless with completely open communication. Many of you share things with your best friends that you’d never tell your wife/husband. The only chance your relationships has to survive is to SHARE EVERYTHING – even the truths he or she may not want to hear (“so there’s this younger girl at work and I think we are developing a connection.”)

unhappy couple
This couple doesn’t seem to be doing so well

And do I want kids? Absolutely. If I can find someone with my lifestyle, co-parenting is an option. But so is surrogacy and adoption and I can be the best single dad just as I’m the best single dog dad. And a child does not need a mom and dad to thrive so stop with that traditional thinking. There are many same sex parents (2 moms, 2 dads) and single parents that are crushing it. Likewise there are many traditional parents that are always fighting and have created a chaotic environment for a child to grow up in. Personally, I know many single moms that are amazing. I really do think a solo and happy stable household is better than a chaotic, constantly fighting undersexed mom&dad.

Anyway – stay woke. I’m going to enjoy this fresh passion fruit juice and continue to check into bungalows on the beach single. 😁

befreemysheeple phu quoc passion fruit

 

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Are you happily single too? Leave a comment or you can e-mail me adam@befreemysheeple.com. If you enjoyed reading/watching this, you can follow me on Instagram, @adamfrancisco & @befreemysheeple.

Be Free My Sheeple!

Life is Too Short to be in a Completely Optional Bad Situation

 

I’m at the beach relaxing. I have my 2 dogs by my side, a coconut in my hand, the sound of the ocean waves gently crashing against the shore while I get my daily $7 USD beach foot massage. It’s a perfect peaceful Thai afternoon.

BeFreeMySheeple Hua Hin Beach Raindrop and Flex
My kids Raindrop and Flex.

That is until I was woken up from my midday nap by an older Irish couple fighting behind me. They have become beautiful rage monsters unleashing fury upon one another.  

What is a “beautiful rage monster?” Allow me to demonstrate.

Here are some of the things I overheard from this unhappily married couple:

“The good times are being outnumbered by the bad times and I’m not fucking doing this anymore.”
(Sad)

“1 good night. 14 bad nights.”
(Eeks)

“You going out to your sleazy bars with American trailer trash.”
(USA! USA!)

“You can’t do fucking a thing without her.”
“What exactly can she do for me that I cannot do you myself?”
(I believe this is referring to the man’s daughter)

“I was married once. I can’t believe I got married again.”
(Have you read my blog?)

“I’m going to hop a plane to Vietnam and leave you here. I’ll go out every night.”
(Vietnam is great can I come with?)

BeFreeMySheeple Hua Hin Beach Beautiful Rage Monsters
Just so you can see how close to me they were sitting.

I think the line that stood out to me most was “the good times are being outnumbered by the bad times.” Relationships are a lot of work (which is why I don’t want one – I don’t like working). Every relationship is going to have their bad moments, but when the “good times are being outnumbered by the bad time,” I think that relationship has hit its expiration date and it’s time to part ways.

Imagine using this scale ⚖️. On one side are good times and another side are bad times. When the bad times weigh more than the good times, I think that’s a sign to exit. Life is too short to be in a completely optional bad situation.

People have a choice whether or not they want to be in many of the bad situations they face: career, relationships and even health (within reason, as many people do not exercise regularly or eat properly and then wonder why they’re not healthy).

How Often Do Couples Argue and Sleep On the Couch (In America)

And because I was curious about how often couples fight or sleep on the couch, I did some quick research.  MattressClarity.com is an amazing resource for this information. Surprisingly, Hawaii had the most arguments per month (47) with Wyoming leading the way in most nights slept on the couch (17! More than half the month!). Congrats you guys!

BeFreeMySheeple Mattress Clarity How Often Do Couples Fight 

There’s a reason almost everybody who is married says “marriage is a lot of work.” In other words, it’s a job. Most people already have 1 job. Who wants 2 jobs??? No thanks!

***

Do you agree that marriage is a lot of work? 

Leave a comment or you can e-mail meadam@befreemysheeple.com. If you enjoyed reading/watching this, you can follow me on Instagram, @adamfrancisco & @befreemysheeple.

Be Free My Sheeple!

The Rudest Habit In The World

 

Let’s talk about the rudest habit in the world. If you’re not guilty of this habit, congratulations on either being self-aware or older than 40 (and you can remember life before mobile devices).  But chances are, you’ve seen this behavior before or you were a victim of it and you made a mental observation. Or maybe you were like me and guilty of this behavior, realized you needed to make a change for the benefit of your relationships, and you did.

As a single guy living alone (with my 2 dogs) in Thailand, I eat a majority of my meals at restaurants by myself. This gives me a great excuse for staring at my iPhone the entire time. During the times that I’m on a date or with a friend, I make it a priority to keep cell phone usage to a minimum (with the exception of vlogging … “hey guys” … more on this later).

BeFreeMySheeple Eating Alone
I eat almost every meal alone but never really alone.

What Does It Mean???

If someone is staring at their phones the entire time that they’re on a date or with friends, this can mean a few things, all of which are bad:

-They have run out of things to talk about
-They find whatever is on their screen more interesting or exciting than the person in front of them
-They’re bored with the company

If you’re with a significant other or a group of friends, how is it acceptable to be staring at your phone the entire time? I understand periodically checking your phone, but I’ve been witnessing some next-level rudeness. Check out my man below – he’s straight up playing PUBG Mobile while at dinner with 3 friends. I think the girl sitting across from him is his girlfriend. Or maybe not. It could be just a friend. Maybe the guy next to him is his boyfriend. That stuff doesn’t matter. What does matter is that regardless of what the relationships are at the table, he’s making a very clear statement : what’s happening on my screen is more important and more interesting than anything you people have to say.

As a side-note, games like PUBG require almost 100% focus which means that you can’t even carry a meaningful conversation while playing it. Games like Candy Crush (is this game still relevant?) you can play and have a conversation because it’s relatively mindless (you’re just matching colors). One wrong move in PUBG and you’re dead, just like the relationships with the people you’re eating with.

When It’s OK to Use Your Phone At The Table

First, I strongly recommend always putting your phone on silent mode when at a restaurant. This way, your phone doesn’t make sounds that trigger everyone around you to check their phones thinking it was theirs. This has happened to all of us (“was that your phone or mine?”). And let’s be honest – we’ve all used it as an opportunity to check our phones.

To provide some value from this article, I wanted to put together a list of some scenarios where it’s OK to use your mobile device during meals as well as the total amount of time that should be dedicated to each scenario :

Food photos (1 minute, upon delivery of meal): Exceptions can be made for food photography. We’re at the point where it’s completely acceptable to take a picture of your meal as soon as it comes out. Food porn photos get a free pass. Unless you’re with an actual food blogger, food photos should take 1 minute max. Any more than this and you’re just a bad photographer. Accept it.

BeFreeMySheeple Foodporn
Check out @TheFoodieArticles on IG, I designed her logo.

Food photos inception (1 minute): Taking pictures of your friends taking pictures of their food.

BeFreeMySheeple Foodporn
Ploy taking some foodporn pics

Work e-mails (10 seconds, every 15 minutes + time to respond): Expecting urgent work e-mails are also OK. We live in a world of digital nomads where urgent e-mails could be expected at all sorts of ridiculous hours. It doesn’t take much time to check for new e-mails so I give this task 10 seconds every 15 minutes. 

Confirming plans (20 seconds, every 20 minutes): If you’re socially active like I used to be in New York City and Los Angeles, then you might be operating on a tight schedule which means you need to check your phone to see if your next appointment is on-time or running late. If they’re running late then you get to spend more time where you’re at. Winning!

BeFreeMySheeple Tinder Profile
Tinder was lit in New York City and Los Angeles

Vlogging (average length of vlog + 50% time): If vlogging is one of your sources of income or you’re trying to make it a source of income, then you can vlog (within reason). My vlogs are usually 1-2 minutes long so I only need 3 minutes of footage before edits (2 minutes + 50% = 3 minutes). If your vlogs are 10 minutes, then you would be given 15 minutes (but if your vlogs are this long, then you should either ask permission before the meal, or this behavior is already expected of you).

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Do you think my dogs will like spring rolls? Find out in this video!!! * #befreemysheeple #papisinvasian3 #springrolls #dogs

A post shared by BeFreeMySheeple 🐑 (@befreemysheeple) on

(thanks to Cassie for suggesting the next 2)

Fact-checking (30 seconds, per fact check): Sometimes you’re having a debate or you’re referencing something and nobody knows the actual answer. A quick fact check or google search is acceptable. Our phones are sources of infinite knowledge so we can refer to it in times of need. 

Relevant imagery (30 seconds, per image): Sometimes you’re talking about a meal you had, a place you went, or a person you dated. Pulling our your phone to complement the conversation with imagery is totally acceptable. It’s much easier to show a picture of Jim or Shirley than it is to describe them.

Family emergency (10 seconds, every 5 minutes): If you’re aware of a family member or close friend having a health problem, then you unfortunately might be expecting an emergency phone call or text. You get a free pass to check your phone as often as needed but I think 5 minutes is a reasonable increment. In this case, it’s also recommended to keep your sound on.

So that’s it. Those are the only times that it’s acceptable to be on your phone during a meal at a restaurant. It should be no more than a few minutes total. If the average meal is 60 minutes and you’ve had every reason to check your phone listed above, here’s how it breaks down:

Food photos + inception: 60 seconds
Check work e-mails: 30 seconds
Confirming plans: 40 seconds
Vlogging: 180 seconds
Fact-checking: 30 seconds
Relevant imagery: 30 seconds
Family emergency: 110 seconds
TOTAL TIME: 480 seconds = 8 minutes
8 minutes / 60 minutes = 13.33%

That’s it. No more than 13.33% of your meal with friends or significant others should be spent on your phone, and this is if you’re into foodporn, you’re expecting urgent work e-mails, you’re confirming plans, you’re a vlogger AND there’s a family emergency.

What You Can Do To Stop It

I think that us as individuals have a responsibility to address this situation head on. A few approaches that I thought of are:

Verbal Communication (confrontational approach): Clear your throat in an aggressive manner and talk to the mobile device addict while they’re in the act with a stern, but polite tone. Ask them if they know how it’s making you feel. “Ahem – Jim/Shirley, are you aware of how you’re making me feel right now?”

Digital Communication (passive aggressive approach): If you don’t like conflict, then send them a text message while you’re sitting across from them. If you want to be even more passive aggressive, send them an e-mail with the subject “Hey, R U OK?” or “We Need To Talk.” Nobody likes conversations that begin with “we need to talk.”

Airdrop (funny approach): If they have an iPhone and their Airdrop is on, take a picture of them while they’re staring at their phone instead of talking to you and Airdrop them the photo. Not only will this get your point across, but it will interrupt whatever is happening on their screen. Bonus points if they’re playing PUBG and your Airdrop pop-up alert causes them to die. Headshot!

Do Nothing (worthless approach): Or you can do nothing and just stare at your phone too. Cool friendship bro!

Checking Instagram feed can wait. Checking Facebook newsfeed can wait. Checking TikTok can wait. Checking Bumble can wait.  And you know what definitely can wait? Fucking PUBG. 

***

Do you know someone that’s guilty of this behavior? How have you handled it? Leave a comment or you can e-mail meadam@befreemysheeple.com. If you enjoyed reading/watching this, you can follow me on Instagram, @adamfrancisco & @befreemysheeple.

Be Free My Sheeple!

 

Dear Married People, A Word of Advice

 

Dear married people – a word of advice.

(Based on a recent experience I had).

befreemysheeple dating advice

If you’re in a bar and you’re not wearing an engagement or wedding ring and you’re talking to a guy for 10 minutes and you tell him “I’m waiting for my family” and then you exchange social media, the guy you’re talking to assumes that you’re waiting for parents or cousins or grandparents and that you’re single. And then when the sole family member shows up and it’s the husband (“oh this is my husband”) you just caught everyone off-guard including yourself and now everyone’s uncomfortable :

(1) the husband’s pissed you’re talking to a younger man who happens to be a muscular Latino possibly named Carlos or Francisco with 2 unfairly cute dogs
(2) the wife is uncomfortable because she got got
(3) and I’m confused because you just went from single to married real quick).

This could have all been prevented if you substituted “I’m waiting for my family” with “I’m waiting for my husband.”

(I would rather be single and deal with this than get married and my wife making me deal with that)

Some Social Media Reactions From Women

  • @simply_livvie: “Shady shady. Meanwhile I’m always telling guys I’m waiting for my husband. And I ain’t married lol” 
  • “Haha wtf who says that? Even if I were waiting for my sister I’d say “sister.” Calling 1 individual person “my family” is weird in itself. At least she didn’t say “someone” or “a friend.” Haha”
  • @nikinikz: That’s scandalous. Who says that they’re waiting for their family and it’s their spouse !?? Hahahahahahaha! #busted
  • “Who say I’m waiting for my family?!?! She’s asking for trouble”
  • @abbiesmith233: “Damn when I was married if a guy even looked in my direction I’d tell him to eat shit and die.”

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Did you find this advice useful? Leave a comment or you can e-mail me adam@befreemysheeple.com. If you enjoyed reading/watching this, you can follow me on Instagram, @adamfrancisco & @befreemysheeple.

Be Free My Sheeple!